We are our fathers’ sons and daughters.
A colleague of mine saw the passing of his dad over spring break this year. Mine died on the day before spring break ten years ago. I didn’t know his dad the way others in our community did. I knew mine better than anyone, next to my mom. His dad was a P.E. teacher, just like he is now. My own was a roofer and then a city building inspector, a rule follower, just like I am now. His dad left his mom to this world. I know that one by heart.
I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” played like a broken record for days and weeks on end and left a vacancy when the world kept moving forward. “Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family” is true enough. “Time will make this better,” was actually infuriating, as I didn’t want another minute to pass by without him in it.
What I really want to say is that–just like I hope my dad still shines in me–I can tell the man your father was in the man you are today.
What I really want to say is that I know how I experience my sadness and my grief, and yet have no idea what this must be like for you.
What I really want to say is that I am grateful to know that we both stand in faith on days like this, relying on God to work his will in us, to take our fathers and keep them, to bring us back together one day.
We are our Father’s sons and daughters. So too, are our sons and daughters. I pray that the minutes pass slowly before they will ever have to hear what others say when they don’t quite know what to say.
I am participating in the 9th annual Slice of Life Challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers.
It's About Making Space 
So true…words can be so difficult and we don’t always say them well. You expressed this very well, however in your post. I hope you and your friend both find comfort and peace as you work through the difficulties of grief.
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I really connected with your words “just like I hope my dad still shines in me”. powerful.
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The way the world “goes on” is beyond bizarre after the loss of a parent. It certainly took a while to feel any sense of normal after losing my dad. The best comment made was by sister. In the midst of our anger and pain, she pointed out that the only way not to be feeling such pain was to have never know him. Even when the pain was most acute, we could both agree that we wouldn’t make that trade for any amount of relief.
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So true. Thanks for sharing.
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The way you wrote this slated me. Tears. Thank you for sharing the connection made through life passages – and the difficulty in finding words to express. Your father must be so proud of you.
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Beautifully and truthfully expressed. I hope my parents are still visible in me. Your last paragraph was elegant.
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I did not find your piece too heavy. I find your piece filled with emotion, thought, reflection, honoring lives, love and friendship, but not too heavy. It is with the thinking and experiencing and the writing such as you have done here that we grow. Your sister’s idea is so true. Having never loved, you feel nothing. Sometimes the best thing someone can do for you is to be silent. To be there, but be still and silent. “I’m sorry for your loss” lacks emotion and honesty and sincerity.
Ten years ago does not mean that the grieving has ended. The hard grieving, perhaps, but the loss is forever there. I feel for your colleague’s fresh loss and wish him peace.
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I understand. My dad has been gone 4 years now, my mom 2. I am about to send a card to a friend who lost her son a year ago next month. Sometimes all they need to know is you are there. Beautiful tribute.
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