Train Track and Rail Rides

When the train goes fast,

I can’t help but notice

that I’d never be able

to jump off safely.

I look at the secure

latches on the boxcars,

hear the screeching of

metal on metal,

and pray that as I stand here

firmly on this ground,

the sound of the train

shaking my eardrums,

nothing slips or rips or

breaks free of the rails.

When the next train

ambles by slower,

I can’t help but look for

handholds to reach for,

footholds to seek for,

a handrail, a ladder,

endless ways to

climb up and climb onto

the train cars,

stacked two-high that

whip the crisp chill of the

wind with me upward

gravity pulling me back down,

calling me to ride the rails.


Today is the last day of the 12th annual Slice of Life Story Challenge (#SOLSC19) hosted by Two Writing Teachers.  I appreciate any comments, especially those that

  • reinforce writing decisions that work and
  • coach into those that don’t.

Think of each comment you leave as a little writing conference we are having together. Come on, make me a better writer today! Thank you!

4 Comments Add yours

  1. lgrainger125 says:

    I enjoyed your post. The brevity of the lines made it seem like a train was passing by me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy last day of daily slicing. I read your piece a few times, each time noticing and wondering. Did you purposely keep the lines around the same length, to mimic the movement of riding on the rails? Was the first train too fast, but the next one attainable? Is the lesson to wait for the right train? Thanks again for making me think!

    Like

    1. Morgan says:

      I am debating about revising it to make the lines of the second train longer to match its speed.

      Like

      1. Yes, change it up so that it visually matches. Play with it and see if it works.

        Like

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